What time is it?

It's time to almost throw up. Must be the combination of little sleep, 2+ beers a day thing I've had going on for almost 3 weeks, emotional damage, general delusions and never ending philosophy essay. All these issues also account for the twisted weirdo semi seasonal emotions I've been having about 'someone'. I've noticed that these phases of hyper obsessiveness coincide with times of struggle and also the two times I actually had hope (with him)... argh... whatever I don't care. Stupid stupid stupid person! I mean why does he think it's OK to periodically come and screw around with my emotions in my dreams. WTF?! It's all because I had to think that the accident, it could have been him... and then I was selfish enough to think that it can't be him because if it was I would be devastated because I really really really like him. And what sucks even more is that I'm supposed to like him, but I'm not quite sure in what way. I preferred it when I really didn't like him. And for a long time I didn't. It'd been such a long time since I actually thought about him (weird as it may seem since I do see him fairly regularly), that it only registered now that he has a girlfriend. Which means he's taken too. And even though it really shouldn't bother me it does in away because on some level it makes me jealous but then again on some level that's OK. I mean we've been hanging out in the same group of friends for quite some time and I was really used to having him around and now he's always off somewhere and I never see him! And I guess I just realized how much his company means to me, that he's almost like family and I miss hanging out with him. I mean bottom line is in my dreams I REALLY like him, but when I'm awake I like him kind of like a brother and the feelings I have about him in my dreams seem almost revolting (in an incest sort of way, not like he's hideously abominable or anything). But recently with the stress of trying to graduate, late nights, booze and my already over emotional weeks it seems like the emotions from my dreams are creeping up on me when I'm awake and that's just freaky wrong. Ew. Then today I was reminiscing, flipping through my photo album, trying to find memories about Lauri I could cling on to. So, I found these picture from this party from 'the summer I was a slut' and hooked up with half a town and there we are posing like dorks and I love that picture... So yes I hope I can get this degree done with so I can go back to being NORMAL!